How They See Me
Posted by Tammy on Friday, March 12, 2010 at 5:54am
One of the things about Webb that is difficult to test is his vision. We know the health of his eyes is fine and we know he can see but just can't really know how well since he can't tell us. One thing we do know is that he has trouble with 'convergence'. Our eyes work separately but as distance closes, they have to work together. Webb's difficulty in this is demonstrated when we hand him his cup. He will look toward it until just before he actually grabs it and then he looks away and has to 'feel' for it. When his eyes try to converge on the object, something just goes wrong. It's possible that he sees double at that point, we really don't know. All that explanation leads to this - how do we look to him? He doesn't have good eye contact very often and I wonder if it's because we look weird. Maybe we look like we have many more eyes that we really do! I truly hope not, but we just don't know. This thought came to my mind one night recently when I took him some tea and he did look directly at me for a few seconds. I started wondering again how I look to him but was comforted by the fact that I'm his mommy and he loves me no matter how I look. I also realized that because I've always looked that way to him, it's not weird to him. If I could look through his eyes, I might be freaked out but he's not. It's just another one of the many 'just the way it is' things he deals with on a daily basis. This made me think about how my loved ones see me. Steve still thinks I look good! He tells me so every single day. (He still looks really good to me, too!) My girls are very complementary and, so far, are even still happy for me to be around them with their friends. Even when I don't feel like I take good care of my family, they adore me and see me as a gift. I definitely feel the same way about them and see all of them as the greatest earthly blessings in my life. Now, on to what really matters - how God sees me. This is the most humbling, wonderful and convicting 'seeing' of all. Yes, God is a just God and He can't tolerate sin and I know I break His heart when I do. But to realize He chose the most difficult way imaginable to provide my salvation and that Jesus was willing to be the centerpiece of that plan just breaks my heart and thrills me all at the same time. I'd say that is truly being seen through the eyes of love. In the account of creation, as God was doing His awesome work, scripture tells us as God saw what He created that 'it was good'. When He got to man, Genesis 1:31 says 'it was very good.' Think about that - the Grand Canyon is good but you are very good as far as marvels of creation go. Being loved by our families is a wonderful blessing but being loved by our eternal Heavenly Father is what makes life worth living. I'm so thankful that He sees me through His eyes of love. Below are a few more verses that remind me of this - I hope they bless you and bring you to a place of thankfulness for how He sees you and even to the place of making changes to love Him back as He deserves. 'The king is enthralled by your beauty, honor him, for he is your lord.' Psalm 45:11 'I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, my have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.' Ephesians 3:17-19 'How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called childen of God! And that is what we are!' I John 3:1
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He Knows What He's Doing
Posted by Tammy on Tuesday, March 9, 2010 at 7:10am
Through the years we've seen many, many doctors. Anytime you see one for the first time, they have to ask tons of questions. We understand this and are more than happy to answer them because we know it will help Webb get better care. Every now and then, though, we get a question that tries our patience or reveals a lack of tact on part of the 'asker'. (If I was being mean I would say lack of sense but I'm trying to be sweet.) The worst question that I think we have ever been asked was, 'Does he recognize his family?' In my mind, I said, 'Duh! Of course he recognizes us - he's not a rock!' But out loud I said, 'Oh, yes, he recognizes us' with a smile on my face. There is a mistaken assumption about brain injured kids like Webb that because they can't speak, they don't know what's going on around them. Well, he may not be able to do calculus but let me tell you, he definitely knows what's going on, knows what he's doing and in many cases how to work the system! Let me give you a few examples: Webb drinks out of a sippy cup. He handles it very well on his own. In fact, he can drink out of it in any position - standing, kneeling, sitting, lying on his back, stomach or side! When he is at the couch and he is done with it, he just throws it down. I think he likes to see us chase it as it rolls across the floor, leaving a trail of sweet tea. Unless I sit beside him and watch very closely, I cannot catch that cup before it hits the floor. Totally different story when he wakes up at night and needs something to drink. While he is drinking his tea I sit or lay beside him on his bed. When he is done, he almost always hands his cup to me - he doesn't throw it. He knows what he's doing! Webb's Mawmaw and Pawpaw take him riding in their truck most days and to get ice cream. When our girls were younger they used to go with them. They would usually get candy or gum when he got his ice cream. Upon careful observation, Mawmaw noticed something - if Webb didn't get his ice cream first, he wouldn't eat it! As long as he got his stuff before the girls got theirs, everything was fine. If not, he would turn his head and refuse to eat. He knows what he's doing! When he gets up in the morning, Webb has to take medicine and I give it to him in oatmeal. He has learned how many bites it takes to get all of it down - three. Guess how many bites he takes most mornings? Three. He knows what he's doing! Webb even knows that guys have to stick together. When he goes to his wonderful dentist, 'Dr. Buddy', the two of them are so outnumbered! All the hygenists and helpers are girls. His mom is helping hold him and his sisters even go to the dentist at the same time. Stinking girls everywhere. He is usually good at the dentist, but if he fusses, it is when us girls are fooling with him for the cleaning. When Dr. Buddy comes in, he settles down like he is saying, 'Finally! Another man on the scene - these girls are driving me nuts!' He knows what he's doing! When our Webb Watchers at church take care of him, they mostly walk around pushing his wheelchair and Webb is good for them and very tolerant of that routine. If I have to push him around, he is not nearly as patient. That is not something he and I do a lot of unless we're out at a doctors appointment, etc. He knows that walking around is what he and his beloved Webb Watchers do. He is happy to do that with them. He knows what he is doing! If he is hungry and I or Mawmaw are getting something ready for him in the kitchen, we are on the clock - the Webber clock. If the clock runs out, he gets Daddy or Pawpaw by the hand to come see what is taking so long. He will noisily walk into the kitchen and come over to see what we're doing. It's so funny - he will peer around our shoulder to be sure we're working on something for him. Once he sees we are on task, he'll go back to his spot and the couch to wait. This one cracks me up! He knows what he's doing! The next time you see Webb or another brain injured sweetie, I hope these stories will remind you that even though their world in infinitely more difficlut than ours, they are definitely a part of it. They are more invloved than you may have realized. What a blessing. At night when I'm watching Webb sleep and admiring him and praying for him, sometimes I wonder how he makes it from day to day. Guess what? The answer is the same as it is for you and me - the Lord brings him through. He strengthens him and I have no doubt that He speaks to Webb's precious little heart and tells him he loves him, that He is proud of Him and to lean on Him. He says, 'You're mine, buddy - I've got you. I will never leave you - ever.' Yep, Webb knows what he's doing but even more importanly our Heavenly Father has ultimate wisdom, control and Sovereignty - He really knows what He is doing.
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Read That Again
Posted by Tammy on Thursday, March 4, 2010 at 10:19am
I was reading in Jeremiah this morning and read a verse that made my heart pound and I had to read it over again. I've gone back to it since so I'm going to share it with you. Let me warn you, it's not a happy verse but a very, very important one. Here it is: 'Your wickedness will punish you; your backsliding will rebuke you. Consider then and realize how evil and bitter it is for you when you forsake the LORD your God and have no awe of Me, declares the Lord, the LORD Almighty.' Jeremiah 2:19 Wow. Let that one soak in. No awe of the Lord. Oh, how I pray I am never, ever there. That explains a lot in this world, though, doesn't it? Another sobering thought is that these words were spoken to God's people - not heathen who did not claim His name. Wow again. Didn't mean to depress you or anything today but how can we ever live the lives we should for God if we're not in awe of Him? We are still so loved by our Heavenly Father even when we do not give Him proper reverence. But Kingdom work can only progress when we do because that's when we'll love Him with all our hearts which leads to obedience which leads to growing the Kingdom. It's a great plan!
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The Interview
Posted by Tammy on Monday, March 1, 2010 at 4:53am
Our daughter Kelsie participated in our local Junior Miss Program this weekend. She has worked very hard preparing and boy, did it show! One of the themes for Junior Miss is 'be your best self' and she fulfilled that beautifully. She didn't bring anything home from the judges but we are fine with that because she had a blast and we had a blast watching her. I congratulate her and the 12 other sweet girls who had the courage and determination to take on the task. There was a thick feeling of pride hanging in the air from all the families and the Smiths were huge contributors! Saturday afternoon before the program, the girls must do an interview with the judges. The more Kelsie talked about some of the answers she gave, the more excited and proud I got and knew I would be posting it here! Here are a few of the questions from the judges and the answers my sweet girl gave: 'What is your favorite color and why?' Blue because it reminds me of my Heavenly Father who loves me. 'What do you do to settle your nerves before you play the piano?' I take a deep breathe and remember that I am playing for an audience of One. 'We see on your bio sheet that one of your favorite things is traveling with your family. Tell us a story about that.' Recently we went to Mount Rushmore and other places in South Dakota and were looking for wild animals in a state park. My dad was playing around and accidentally threw his ice cream sandwich out the window! We all laughed until we cried. The judges give the girls a few seconds for a closing statement - here's hers: Junior Miss is supposed to be memorable and my Mawmaw helped make it more memorable for me today by bringing me her classring to wear. 'What would you do if you had unlimited resources?' I would use them to help make Webb, my disabled brother well and able to speak. How's that last one grab you? I was so thrilled and proud, as you can imagine. We are always so proud of Kelsie and (all our children) but I love it when she has the opportunity to share her sweet heart with others. I prayed with her before she left that the judges would be glad they got to meet her and I believe that prayer was answered in a big way. I hope that you are glad you got a look into the heart of Kelsie, too.
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Prayers - Big and Small
Posted by Tammy on Friday, February 26, 2010 at 7:42am
There have been tons of prayers going from my heart and mind to the Lord lately...big ones, small ones, huge ones! Safety, pain relief, wisdom, my family drawing closer to the Lord, comfort and guidance for a devastated friend, keeping Webb well, healing, thankfulness for blessings, etc., etc. The list could go on for quite a while. I'm so thankful He cares about everything I care about. I have come to realize that what I'm praying for really isn't as important as the condition of my heart that offers the prayer. A heart broken over sin, humble and full of thanksgiving for His love and mercy must be the origin of the prayer. I must strive to learn the lessons He has for me and in everything that happens - good or bad - to strive to me more like Him as a result. His glory is always the goal. My words fall short so let's go to the word - Psalm 142:1-7: 'I cry aloud to the LORD; I lift up my voice to the LORD for mercy. I pour out my complaint before Him; before Him I tell my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is You who know my way. In the path where I walk men have hidden a snare for me. Look to my right and see; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no one cares for my life. I cry to You, O LORD; I say, "You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living." Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need; rescue me from those who pursue me, for they are too strong for me. Set me free from my prison, that I may praise Your name. Then the righteousness will gather about me because of Your goodness to me.'
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